To 2011,

I've been reading a lot of weight loss, fitness, and running blogs lately. A combination of all those different blogs has inspired me to write honestly about my body feelings.

I never talk about my body hangups. Most of the time its because I'll get the response, "oh you're so skinny, you don't need to lose weight." And they're right, I don't need to lose any. But, like every woman in America, there are things that I don't like about myself.

I'm secretly kind of miss losing weight. I really like the weight I am now (5'6", 118 lbs, BMI 19.0), and don't intend to lose any. But I miss the chase of losing weight, the excitement of progress. Of trying on my usual size at the store and finding it too big. I guess that's basically why it's so hard to keep the weight off for a lot of people, the chase is gone. Without anticipating movement on the scale, it's hard for me to feel real motivation. I guess that's why I've begun chasing my PRs, just to give myself something else to provide as a benchmark of progress.

I don't like my super-wide hips. They are out of proportion to the rest of my body. I was always alarmed while clothes shopping with my friends. A friend about 30 lbs heavier than me wears the same size pants as I do. I was the first one of my friends in middle school to have to switch to the junior's department because I hit puberty HARD when I was eleven years old. That was pretty humiliating...and I guess I never really got over it. So when I look into the mirror, it's all I see. All through high school, I wished I had a boyish shape like the other girls. I actually spent most of high school wearing baggy shirts, trying to create that shape on myself and fit in. As I've gotten more and more athletic, I've realized that I will never get that shape, no matter how much I try. At least a baby won't get tangled in my hips on the way out when the time comes for that.

I'm built like the Hulk. I really try to avoid any kind of weight lifting. First off, I can't find many exercises that will accommodate decreased mobility and strength in my left arm. I'm not supposed to lift more than a gallon of milk with it, and even then, most of the lifting is done with my shoulder. I've had most success with stability exercises and yoga moves to tone muscles.

But the second reason I avoid it, is that I bulk really fast. I know some people are thinking, "oh poooor Karen, what a burden" (again why I don't usually mention this). Being of a stocky Polish descent, my people were big and muscly. My mom has always had giant toned legs and arms. My frame is slightly smaller, but I build muscle just looking at a set of weights. My legs are like the Hulk's. Last summer, when I really beefed up my running plans, I found myself craving protein. Changing really nothing other than mileage and actually seeking out meat and beans, I beefed up a lot. Muscle definition popped up in places I'd never seen before. I saw, for the first time ever, really nice abs and shoulders. Before I could alternate between women's and children's shirts, I was that small up top. Now my shoulders don't fit in the kid's shirts anymore. I miss the glittery sparkliness, but I look a little more proportionate this way.

I guess that my is my biggest goal for 2011. Be totally at peace with myself....and to PR like I have never before!!!

((Thank you Ashley and SLG for inspiration for today's blog topic.))