To 2011,

I've been reading a lot of weight loss, fitness, and running blogs lately. A combination of all those different blogs has inspired me to write honestly about my body feelings.

I never talk about my body hangups. Most of the time its because I'll get the response, "oh you're so skinny, you don't need to lose weight." And they're right, I don't need to lose any. But, like every woman in America, there are things that I don't like about myself.

I'm secretly kind of miss losing weight. I really like the weight I am now (5'6", 118 lbs, BMI 19.0), and don't intend to lose any. But I miss the chase of losing weight, the excitement of progress. Of trying on my usual size at the store and finding it too big. I guess that's basically why it's so hard to keep the weight off for a lot of people, the chase is gone. Without anticipating movement on the scale, it's hard for me to feel real motivation. I guess that's why I've begun chasing my PRs, just to give myself something else to provide as a benchmark of progress.

I don't like my super-wide hips. They are out of proportion to the rest of my body. I was always alarmed while clothes shopping with my friends. A friend about 30 lbs heavier than me wears the same size pants as I do. I was the first one of my friends in middle school to have to switch to the junior's department because I hit puberty HARD when I was eleven years old. That was pretty humiliating...and I guess I never really got over it. So when I look into the mirror, it's all I see. All through high school, I wished I had a boyish shape like the other girls. I actually spent most of high school wearing baggy shirts, trying to create that shape on myself and fit in. As I've gotten more and more athletic, I've realized that I will never get that shape, no matter how much I try. At least a baby won't get tangled in my hips on the way out when the time comes for that.

I'm built like the Hulk. I really try to avoid any kind of weight lifting. First off, I can't find many exercises that will accommodate decreased mobility and strength in my left arm. I'm not supposed to lift more than a gallon of milk with it, and even then, most of the lifting is done with my shoulder. I've had most success with stability exercises and yoga moves to tone muscles.

But the second reason I avoid it, is that I bulk really fast. I know some people are thinking, "oh poooor Karen, what a burden" (again why I don't usually mention this). Being of a stocky Polish descent, my people were big and muscly. My mom has always had giant toned legs and arms. My frame is slightly smaller, but I build muscle just looking at a set of weights. My legs are like the Hulk's. Last summer, when I really beefed up my running plans, I found myself craving protein. Changing really nothing other than mileage and actually seeking out meat and beans, I beefed up a lot. Muscle definition popped up in places I'd never seen before. I saw, for the first time ever, really nice abs and shoulders. Before I could alternate between women's and children's shirts, I was that small up top. Now my shoulders don't fit in the kid's shirts anymore. I miss the glittery sparkliness, but I look a little more proportionate this way.

I guess that my is my biggest goal for 2011. Be totally at peace with myself....and to PR like I have never before!!!

((Thank you Ashley and SLG for inspiration for today's blog topic.))

Happy Solstice!

The winter solstice isn't nearly as exciting when living this far away from the Arctic Circle. But on the other hand, I'm not entirely disappointed that I had an entire month of high noon looking like this :

High Noon from UAF West Ridge on the Winter Solstice.

From the UAF Ski Trails, Winter Solstice.

Fairbanks :
Sunrise : 10:58
Sunset : 14:40
Daylight : 3:42

Eureka :
Sunrise : 07:38
Sunset : 16:52
Daylight : 9:14

Did I mention that I ran in shorts this morning? :)

Last night at the band Christmas party, Matt and I sat next to a few other band members whom were lifelong Californians. They were excited for the Winter Solstice, because the days would finally get longer. That made me think of really how much easier it is to live here. My seasonal depression is almost non-existent by comparison to the last few years. I don't have to dress in 14 layers to go to the mailbox. All is good. Californians, I've discovered, are pretty sissy to all things weather related. They don't know how good they have it. Me, I'm soaking it all in, and feeling like I'm completely spoiled and that any day now, Mother Nature will toss me something terrible. Let's hope she doesn't so I can keep on living the dream.

Email Crazies

This afternoon, I was surfing the web seeing what kind of ultramarathons there are available nearby, and ran across something intriguing that I wasn't looking for and sent an email to Matt :

"Ok, so here's crazy idea #2 for the day :

http://marquettetrail50.com/ -----instead of the Crater Lake race."


His reply didn't include the words "crazy", "nuts", or "obsessed". He simply wrote this :

               "The 50K or 50 mile?"

Proof that when you get two crazies together, they only encourage
the other to become crazier.  The best part?  I'm not sure I want
someone to come along and rein us in.

Home and Friends

We're still no closer to owning our house than we were a week ago. But somehow we were able to convince the sellers that they should rent the house to us until we officially take possession. After all, what kind of Grinch would put a nice young couple in a hotel for Christmas?? (Our realtor is a magician). We'll pay a small rent fee, which will hopefully be just a week. Our stuff will be delivered on Thursday. So while we might have our blender and camping gear, we will probably not have internet or phone. Maybe we'll go camping over the Christmas holiday.

So today, I got up early with Matt to do another of our 5am Runs. This was just our three mile loop, just so we don't have to get up tooooo early. We examined the weather radar. Rain everywhere. When we went outside, it was surprisingly dry. I bargained with Mother Nature, "Just give us half an hour without rain and then you can rain the rest of the day. " We ran through the darkness, just the rare streetlight and Matt's dim headlamp lighting our way. This route has become so familiar that I could run it in complete darkness without falling, so I pushed the pace a little bit. Finishing in just over 25 minutes, we had five to spare. Apparently, her watch is a bit fast. Just as we were turning into the driveway, the rain started, and got heavier. Perfect timing.

It's amazing how much energy a run at 5am, while you're still half asleep, can be. There's the inevitable mid-morning crash, but for a few hours, it makes me feel like I can fly.

Getting the house, all the way on the other side of town, means adjusting and finding new running routes. It almost feels like I'm leaving friends behind. I spent most days out with them while Matt was at work. We run together and enjoy the company. I don't make quick friends, because let's face it, it's HARD. I can't just give a mere stranger the power to betray and disappoint me in a flash. I build friendships, slowly, one tiny trust block at a time. That leaves me with fewer friends, but ones that I can count on SANS EXCEPTION. Running routes are like that for me. I know they will never cancel plans at the last minute when I've been looking forward to them all week. They will never tell me that I'm too quiet or disagree with my views. They are always up for an impromptu get-together, no matter the time or weather. The new house is not in town, so there's no city grid to map out half and full mile increments, but it'll be more rural, scenic routes through farmland, for which I'm very excited to try. :) I'll take inspiring pictures on my runs, instead of running through the city, one concrete sidewalk after the next and only mailboxes to keep me company. It'll be the cows instead.

*sigh* time to pack up all my stuff. I'm glad the house is just five miles away, so I can make multiple trips and not try to wedge all of our stuff back into the car like we did for the drive here from Alaska.

Wimp

"Fairbanks : -36. Eureka : +39F. Nice."

This was my Facebook status the other day. A friend of mine, whom lives in Kenai, AK, and is secretly jealous that we live somewhere warm called me a wimp for enjoying the temperature difference. It really bothered me that he thought I wimped out and moved to somewhere warm. Until my run today.

On top of a fence post (you can't see) with the Pacific Ocean north of Arcata, CA.

Matt and I decided that we would go for a run this afternoon, the only sunny day before a what the weatherman says is the worst rainstorm of the season. We headed out for a 15 miler in the sunshine on the Hammond Trail. It was the first sunny day in over a month, so we were ready to go long and just enjoy the afternoon.

The hubby along the trail. Notice the moss growing on the trees. Evidence that it is not
normally this dry and sunny.

Pretty views of the ocean accompanied us the entire way. It was impressive how much more beautiful it looked today than when we ran the trail before, in a light rain. We miscalculated our turn-around spot and ended up with 17 miles at a sub-9:00/mi pace.

Hammond Trail and the Pacific.

Mentally, it felt amazing to be able to run long. My mind has been yearning for one since the marathon. I've been struggling with managing my allergies, so I've been putting a long run off while I felt like crap. Today, all the stars aligned : weather, health (coffee helped), and Matt's day off. We felt great, brought some water, GU, and the camera.

The sunset: beauuuuuuuutiful.

If living somewhere that I can run such a fantastic 17 miler just short of Christmas, I guess I'm okay with being a wimp. So there, Jesse!! :P

Pimp My Ride?

Since I began running in 2002, I've been told that when it comes to running shoes, more support is better. I spent years trying to figure out what shoes work best for me simply by trial and error. Then I was fitted at a store and was recommended a heel lift (for an 1/2 inch leg discrepancy) and the Brooks Ariel (motion control) because of my severe over-pronation problems.

This past summer, I experimented with the Brooks Adrenaline (stability) just because I found it on super-deep clearance at the running store. I loved how it was nearly half a pound lighter and made me feel like I was flying. Soon I learned that my pronation problem wasn't as bad anymore and that the motion control shoes weren't necessary anymore. ((This was probably due to experience and overall strengthening of all the muscles of my leg, improvements in my form, and general fitness.))

But then I read this past month's Runners World. And the new trend is running in VFFs. They look like water shoes and are the new fad thing. They say that American shoes are too cushioned and are making our legs weaker. This made me think about my own shoes. Since I've had more success in lighter, less supportive shoes, maybe I'm okay to try a performance training (no specific cushioning or support properties=lighter yet) shoes. Does anyone have any thoughts? I'd like to go with a cheaper shoe to try them out first and found this one :

Asics Gel Phoenix at 8.25 oz.



Anyone have experience going to a lighter shoe with mild over-pronation problems? Similar performance trainers are : Brooks Glycerin, Brooks Ghost, Asics Kayano, Asics 3020.

Should I cushion up and enjoy the ride? Or should I go lighter and fly on my own foot cushioning?

Home for Christmas?

Two weeks ago, the mortgage company told us that they had everything they needed, and we'd be closing by Tuesday, Dec. 14. Then last week, I called to ask when we're signing loan documents, and lo and behold, there was absolutely nothing done on our account for an entire week. Someone dropped the ball....pushing our closing date closer and closer to Christmas. Now they're telling us that it'll be Dec. 22. So I have it set up to get our belongings delivered on Dec. 23. If I have to change that date again, it will be after Christmas, and that will piss me off more than I can put into words.

Our realtor, has been absolutely amazing and reliable, but our mortgage person leaves something to be desired. If I still don't have the house by Christmas, I'm probably going to cry.

So to ease our frustrations, Matt and I went out to get a Christmas tree. There's no way I'm waiting until Dec. 23 to get a tree and have to set up our beds. But the last thing we really need to do is go and spend money, since we'll be pretty close to broke after we close on the house. So we went out and bought a real tree and minimal lights and ornaments. Our tree looks like one of the Charlie Brown trees, but it's ours and perfect the way it is. And it was one of the few that would fit into our car.

A New Day

After yesterday's Debbie-Downer post, here's something a little more cheerful :

A few times a week, Matt and I do morning runs before he goes to work at 7am. Running in the morning is a lot more work than running mid-day or in the evening, just because I'm fresh from bed and completely stiff. It takes a few miles just to get the legs loosened up. But this morning, we had coffee and a tiny breakfast, we set out into the darkness. He wore a headlamp, I wore the flashy light and reflective band. Even though we run on sidewalks, I like being as visible as humanly possible. ((Side note: Matt is planning on riding his bike to work each day, by the time I'm done with him, he's going to light up like a football field. MWAHAHA!))

The coffee and warm temperature made it a very enjoyable run, almost effortless. I hardly ever run a sub-9:00 average in the morning, since the first bit is more like a warm-up. Today, most of it was near an 8:00/mi. Just proof that my body can adjust to doing whatever I throw at it. :) The sun was just coming up as we made our final turn, easterly towards home. The last mile was the most beautiful pink, yellow, and orange sunrise. The perfect beginning to a new day.

Clear skies, a beautiful sunrise, a new day. I'm just taking things day by day. Here's to making this new day better than the last.

Sad

Warning : This is going to be a whiny post.

I miss Alaska. I've been here almost a month now, and all the exciting newness has worn off. I'm finished with Christmas shopping. We'll get the house in a week or two. Now, I'm just waiting. Life has settled down. I'm lonely. I don't have any friends here. I joined a band here, so at least I'm getting out a couple of times a week. But last night I was even ready to give that up. It's an hour drive to get there and back. All gigs are in that area, too. I hate driving a lot, it feels so wasteful.

I miss my friends. I've started rebuilding my life, meeting new people. But nothing compares to people that already know me that I can count on. I miss the familiarity of knowing where everything is and not having to MapQuest myself to the store. Running routes were friends as well, and I have to find new ones too.

I guess I just miss the familiarity of my old life. :(

Why I Run

While I straddle the fine line between peak training and over-training, I often find myself asking why I run. That line of thought usually takes me to specific days in my past, when everything about the run was perfect.

One night in college, my roommate, Amy, and I decided to go for a run at 11pm, an impulsive break from studying for final exams. I hadn't run that late at night before, and haven't done it since. That chilly, windless December night had perfect snowflakes. They floated down from the darkness above, illuminated only by the lights on each street corner. We made snow angels and danced in the picturesque perfectness of that night.

-----

April 2006. I hated running hills. But it was an unusually warm spring day in Central Michigan and Matt was particularly insistent that we go running that day. He chose the route, and if you know anything about Matt, it's that he's always more than content to let you take the lead if it's not something he is absolutely passionate about. Something was up, but I couldn't quite figure out what. He took me up some hills. I begged to take an easier course, but he insisted. At the top, I was completely out of breath, bathed in sweat. The hilltop overlooked a pond, complete with ducks and lily pads. To break the tension, I blurted out, " oh how romantic---a swamp and us sweating like mad". I turned away for a moment, and just as I looked back at him, he was down on one knee. Layered in stinky t-shirts and a slimy film of sweat, I said yes. We floated home.

Later I felt like an ass about the swamp comment.

----

Those experiences are why I run. No running PR has ever made me feel more alive than those two runs. I just need to remind myself why I run, it's not about trying to get faster and faster, it's about perfect moments like these.

Trinity Alps Reconnaisance Hike

With sleepy eyes, and still in bed, I pushed the blinds aside to see the sky. Blue. BLUE?!?! Out for a hike!!!

Matt and I had planned on going to check out the Trinity Alps at some point this weekend, so we decided that today would be the day the weather gods finally smiled upon us. Since we had no prior knowledge of how much snow they get each year, or if any had fallen yet, we called the ranger station. The park ranger told us that the road was clear and paved from the highway to the trailhead. And snow levels were at 4,000ft, so we wouldn't see any snow on the way there, at the trailhead, or anywhere until five miles in.

Well.... two miles before we even got to the trailhead, the road was completely impassible. Fallen trees and about eight inches of slushy snow stood in the way between us and our planned hike. The snow was starting to rot already, so it definitely had been here awhile already. I didn't let this get in my way. We hiked the final two miles, and arrived somewhat exhausted to the trailhead. But since we made it this far, we decided to at least check out the trail. The snow only got deeper. Totally doable with snowshoes, but we didn't plan for snow after what the ranger had said. We slogged through almost knee-deep snow, postholing the entire way, uphill both ways (of course).

The hike was a welcome Winter Wonderland. Just what I needed. Up until this point, and the 50F days, I've been in disbelief that Christmas is coming. This finally convinced me that, while it may not be winter in Eureka the way I'm used to winter, it is indeed happening elsewhere.

It started to get dark after three miles, so we turned back. The trail is definitely good enough to backpack in the winter, which was our main reason for the short day-trip.

As we headed back to the car, we stopped at the outhouses. The dry winter air had sucked all the moisture from the skin on my face, so I was back to thinking in Alaska winter mode as I entered the Identical-to-Alaskan-Park-Outhouse. As I sat down on the toilet seat, there wasn't the familiar sting of melting frost on my buttocks. I did a little happy dance while sitting on the potty. Winter hiking isn't so bad here either!!! :)

Empty

After over eleven months of strict training plans, and a chart of weekly mileage goals hanging on my refrigerator, I've come to realize one thing: my fridge looks awfully empty without one. Inside my runner's psyche, it looks just the same. So I set out to change that : and made a new training schedule.

Without a clear goal in mind, I just decided to keep a mileage base of about 35-40, with a few mid distance runs, and a long run. One year ago, that would have been my highest mileage week before a marathon taper. Progress tastes good. It no longer feels so difficult to sustain. :) Then I will begin training for Green Bay on Jan 1 with a really solid base. I'm still considering a March marathon in between, but we'll see how everything goes until then.

In other news, Fairbanks has a high temperature of -25F today. Today's run at 50F in the drizzle isn't so bad, I guess.