Going Solo

As I packed the final bag in the car, a pit grew in my stomach. Was I forgetting the stove again? It took me awhile to figure out what exactly it was that was making me uneasy. As I left on my first solo camping adventure, I realized it wasn't what but whom I was forgetting: Matt. It seemed a little silly for my excitement to be marred by nervousness, but that definitely was it. Would I enjoy being alone that long? Without the safety net of another brain to help me navigate and get out of minor problems, I took off alone, wondering if I truly was forgetting something.

Ruby Sue makes a pretty killer adventure buddy.

Matt works rotating shifts. On average, he works a week of midnights every four or five weeks, sometimes more frequently or less if one of his coworkers trades or takes vacations. In recent months, I've noticed this difficult schedule affect his moods and most worrying of all, his memory. On his worst days, I was fearful that he had some actual brain problem going on. Others it wasn't noticeable at all. When he's on midnights in particular, he doesn't often sleep well and spends the week in a dreamlike daze. This summer, as an experiment, we decided it might be the best time for me to go away during those periods so the house is quiet and he has the best chance for rest.

As for me, I don't know if my life will always hold this same amount of freedom and flexibility, I should take advantage of it as much as possible. I pointed my car inland and drove toward the morning sunshine unsure what revelations the week away would yield.

Things I learned about myself on my first prolonged solo adventure:

1. I eat a lot of Dairy Queen. That first day, I had a blizzard and cheese curds for lunch. Apparently, Matt is my healthy-eating guide to life. What followed was the worst stomachache. Lesson learned. By the final day of the trip, the lady at the counter asked me, "Weren't you in here yesterday?" Haha, busted.

2. Hiking and running is where I feel most comfortable. Set me up at camp and I have to keep my nose buried in a book. I spent many hours in the hammock and blew through two books in four days. I'm not a speedy reader so this must be some kind of adult record for me.

3. Even though I spent most of my life being known as the painfully shy girl, I say hi to pretty much everybody. I noticed a couple on the trail who had trail runner packs on and the man was wearing a Javelina 100 cap. Twenty minutes of trail running chatter later, we said goodbye and wished each other a nice hike. Part of me things this is a defense mechanism, appearing confident and making eye contact, but another makes me wonder if I'm truly outgrowing some of my self-conscious fears about interacting with others?

4. While alone, I take more selfies than a teenage girl. I'm not like this normally and it is fascinating to try and figure out why. I think it's because I'm so used to traveling and sharing experiences with a buddy that I feel I have to share with someone, even if it's just a photo of myself.  

5. The worst part about going solo is having a song stuck in my head that will not leave. Every hike or run had a different song, often the last one playing on the radio before I arrived, on repeat in my head. It got so annoying that by the end of each hike, I was talking to myself just to keep from hearing another line of "Fight Song" or "Happy". Eventually I switched to speaking only French so my head would have to work harder and keep the silly lyrics from reappearing. My French is pretty rusty, yikes.


Do you behave differently when you go solo vs. with a group? Have you had any surprising revelations? Do you take a ton of selfies too?