This time last year:

"Thursday, April 06, 2006

This weekend is the Relay for Life. I'm debating whether or not I want to go and walk around. I could have a total uplifting experience about the whole thing. Or on the other hand it could bring up a whole lot of memories that I don't want to recall just yet. I definitely haven't dealt with all of the feelings I have about what has happened to me, and feel like I'm not ready to just yet. I still deal with it all humorously, but the only thing to keep me from crying is laughing. That's why I laugh and make jokes about things. Inside is just a scared little girl that has so much anger and frustration built up, someone who I let few people see."

Today starts this year's relay. And ever since I got up this morning, I've been a nervous wreck. I have a huuuge knot in my stomach, I'm anxious and on the verge of tears just thinking about going. I know I signed up to do some stuff today, but I think I'm going to have to skip going. I can't handle this yet.