Avenue of the Giants: The Ugly and Picking Myself Back Up.

Sometimes I feel like blogging is a double-edged sword.  I share a wonderful hobby with friends that I have and haven't met before.  We trade secrets, training ideas, and photos of really ugly feet.  But the hardest thing to do is admit defeat.  The feeling of disappointment in ourselves is compounded when we have to share the results publicly.  I'll never feel ashamed about the fact that it was a 3:51 marathon and twenty minutes slower than my goal, but I am angry with myself for giving up so easily.  That is something I have never let myself get away with doing.  I feel like I let you guys down when I fail too, not just myself.

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Soon after we returned home from the race, I quickly jumped online and brought up the Newport Marathon website.  I had emailed the race director earlier in the week and he told me registration closed on May 5, the day of the Avenue marathon.  Apparently that prompted a mad rush on registration and when I arrived on the page, I found this:

My heart sank.  GAME OVER.

I began looking for other races in the area and found nothing.  Then I had an idea, something I hadn't really considered given they were only two weeks apart.

During my first year as a runner, I trained for and completed my first race, the Cellcom Green Bay Half Marathon.  When I run this race, I feel like it is my hometown course.  It reminds me how far I've come as a runner and as an adult.  It was the first place I began living on my own, taking charge of my independence.  It was where I circled the arboretum trails on my way to becoming a distance runner. I didn't register this year because I thought I'd be too wrecked to feel good at all.   That was ten years ago.  If I were to run the Green Bay Marathon on May 19th it would be my 10th marathon on my 10 year anniversary in the city where I ran my first race. My mom is running first 5K here on May 18th.  My sister graduates from UW-Green Bay that same weekend. 

The last two years, marathon registration filled by March.  I clicked over to the website to see if that was the case this year.  This is what I found:

Matt was looking over my shoulder and shouted, "Do it!  This is a sign!"  When I clicked the registration button, I smiled for the first time that day.  This was meant to be.  One last shot at my goal before I hit trail season.

Normally, I wouldn't ever consider a race this close to my previous one.  I know that it could be a long shot to reach my 3:30 goal, but my main goal for this race is to finish without giving up.  I will take the anger I have at myself for that and turn it into running motivation.  Given the history I have with this race, I believe that alone will give me strength.  If there's anywhere I can run a good redemption marathon this spring, my best shot will be here, even if it is two weeks from now.

Until then, my primary focus is recovery.  I've already had an ice bath, massage, and regular dates with the hot tub and my foam roller.  The muscle soreness has mostly subsided and I went for a very easy and successful two mile run this morning.  There will be minimal speed or pace training.  I think that's my best shot at recovering well.

When I called my sister with the news and asked to stay with her during her final exam week, the enthusiasm in her voice reaffirmed my decision.  I will spend the week visiting her and skip a trip to the U.P. for now.  She even mentioned that she felt a little sad this spring when I told her I wasn't running the race.  Turns out, the Green Bay Marathon means just as much to my family as it does to me. :)

12 days until the race!